


Into the Darkness

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Starting Over [35]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was someone else stalking, hunting; once again putting the people he loved in some kind of danger that he might not be able to save them from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Darkness

“No!” Hotch sat straight up in bed as he screamed. “Beth!”

“Aaron?” she woke up and tried to put her arm around him.

“Get off of me.” he shook her off in anger. His voice was dark and venomous.

“Aaron?” Beth moved away on the bed. She knew what this was. She knew she had to do this right. It was difficult to control her breathing. Her heart was beating so fast that Beth was afraid it would leap right out of her chest. 

But she had to do this right. “Aaron? Aaron, it’s Beth. You're awake now and everything is OK. Aaron? You’re in a safe place. I'm safe and you're awake. Aaron, can you hear me?”

The room was silent except for her heart pounding and his heavy breathing. She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him, but she wasn’t sure if he was there with her or still in the dream.

“Aaron?” Beth bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

He slowly turned and looked at her. For a moment she knew that she was a stranger to him. Recognition came slowly; he blinked and looked at her again. Beth tentatively reached out her hand, putting it on top of his as it rested on the mattress. Hotch accepted the gesture.

“I'm alright.” He said, his voice sounded far away.

“You had a nightmare.”

“I'm alright.” He repeated. Then he slipped his hand from her under hers and got out of the bed. Hotch went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Beth immediately turned on the lamp in the bedroom. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust but as soon as they did, she looked at his side of the bed. Her first thought when she saw the wet spot was that Hotch had an accident, which almost made her cry again. But the spot was too high up. 

It was sweat. He must have sweated right through his clothes to leave that much on the sheets. She jumped out of bed and just started tearing the sheets off the bed. In just a few minutes they were in a heap on the floor. Against her better judgment, Beth sat on the side of the bed and cried. 

She didn’t want to; felt like she was stronger than that. But to see him in absolute fear terrified her. She didn’t know what he was dreaming about but she could imagine. She could imagine that he was right back in that house with that madman. A house he had lived in, loved in, and created a life became a house of nightmares and horrors. 

Maybe this time instead of finding Haley dead on the floor, it was Beth. Maybe this time instead of capturing Foyet he got away and the nightmare would never end. And now there was someone else. There was someone else stalking, hunting; once again putting the people he loved in some kind of danger that he might not be able to save them from. 

Getting herself together, Beth wiped her face and stood up. She took a couple of deep breaths before going out to the linen closet for more sheets. When she came back the shower was running. No doubt he needed to wash that sweat and that fear down the drain.

He didn’t know how long he’d been in the bathroom but when he came out Beth was still sitting up in bed. The lamp was on and the sheets had been changed. Hotch turned and saw the other set now in the hamper in the corner of the room. Beth was looking at him but not looking at him. He had no idea what to say. 

This had happened a few times before and each one scared her. He knew that she knew what it was. That didn’t make talking about it any easier. Still it wasn’t fair to just act like it was nothing and go back to sleep. She was scared and it was his job to protect her. 

How could he do that when he was the one she was afraid of? No, Beth wasn’t afraid of him…she was afraid for him. There was a difference. Hotch’s brain still felt like scrambled eggs as he got back into the bed beside her. Words, he needed words. He didn’t just need any words he needed the right ones.

“I never meant to scare you.” he couldn’t even look at her when he said it.

“I know.” She nodded. “Look at me Aaron.”

He did. He could see the fear in her eyes and it made him want to reach out. He wanted to hold her to him and promise that it was alright and would never happen again. But Hotch couldn’t make those kinds of promises. 

His dreams were one of the few things he couldn’t control. He also couldn’t control people who thought it was OK to make him and the people he loved targets. This was their life. Well it was his life. His biggest fear was that Beth wasn’t going to want to be a part of it anymore.

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” she asked.

“I don't know.” He shook his head.

“It was really bad?’

“Yes.”

“I'm sorry.” Beth reached for his hand again. “Can I just…? I really want to put my arms around you.”

“I want that more than anything.” He said.

She wrapped her arms around him and Hotch held on tight. They both let the emotions overtake them; it felt good to let go. She wanted to let him know that she would always be there for him. No one was going to scare her away, especially not him. But she didn’t want to talk right now. 

They didn’t need words. They needed to feel each other, hold on and go through the darkness together. That was probably the most important thing to Beth. She needed him to understand that he was not alone. 

She knew there were some things he wouldn’t share with her, some that he couldn’t, but he didn’t have to carry everything. She was strong and could handle it. She could help. She would love him and this relationship was two people experiencing the good times and the nightmares.

“I love you.” Hotch murmured into her hair.

“I love you too, Aaron.”

“He doesn’t have a face.” He said before she was even finished her response.

“I'm sorry?” Beth pulled away some and looked at him. She couldn’t help but caress his face, the five o’clock shadow already evident though it had only been a day since he shaved.

“The man in my nightmare doesn’t have a face. I didn’t dream about Foyet this time. I don’t often dream of him anymore though I still dream of Haley.” His voice trailed off and Hotch took a deep breath. 

He had to tell her, even if the words didn’t come out right. “I don’t get there in time to save you and it rips my heart from my chest. I can't let anything bad happen to you. You didn’t ask for this life.”

“And I can't promise you that nothing bad will happen. That would just be irresponsible since we know that bad things happen everyday. All I can promise is that I love you and I'm going to be with you. Maybe someday I won't be, for what could be a million reasons, but I am right now and I want to be. We can't live for what might happen Aaron, but for what is. I know you can't control your nightmares; I certainly know why you're having them. I’ll comfort you when they come.”

They lay down in the bed together, Beth still holding him. She felt Hotch’s body relax on hers and that made her relax. She didn’t know if he was going to sleep again tonight. She knew there were some nights when he didn’t. Beth would make sure that he knew that she was with him though.

“I hate when things like this ruin our time together.” Hotch whispered. “I don’t get to see you enough as it is.”

“Its not ruined.” She kissed his forehead. “Just rest Aaron. You need to relax and I know its not going to be easy but you need to anyway.”

Hotch stopped talking. He probably had a million things to say, he stopped anyway. Sometimes words were what were needed and sometimes they just needed the quiet. He needed to breathe and feel Beth close. If he was lucky that would keep the nightmares at bay. 

Rarely was there two in one night. The demons were close but Beth was closer. It was going to take some time to shake this off. For now Hotch would do everything in his power to push it far to the back of his mind. 

The time he had with Beth was limited right now. He needed it to be good…a respite from all the other insanity going on in his life. Hotch needed more than anything for both worlds not to collide right now. He wasn’t sure if he would survive another explosion. There had been too many in the past five years.

***


End file.
